Of late, i am seeing countless various health methods and neighborhood leaders talk about how lesbians have no need for condoms at all in their sex practices. And this also idea truly perplexes me personally! Whenever we read it someplace, we stop and believe
huh? In which did these folks obtain better sex information from?
Picture by istock
It is a part of a much bigger social issue in this lesbian, queer and bi women can be typically left out inside conversation about intimate health insurance and STIs. It is as if men and women think that
STIs
only originate from penises which lesbian, queer and bisexual get-together ladies you should not previously
have
penises.
Information flash:
STIs are offered in a variety of means
. Through skin to epidermis contact. From anal sex. From oral intercourse. From revealing sex toys. Essentially any kind of sex that you are having, it really is likely that STIs may possibly end up being handed down, from one individual to another. You’ll want to understand that lesbian, queer and bisexual women sometimes have penises. Or occasionally we utilize dildos while having sex. And also for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be used as a barrier way to lower the likelihood of STIs becoming passed.
In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is critical to observe that it isn’t the conclusion the entire world should you test positive for an STI. Yourself as well as your sexual life aren’t over. When we can gain access to this kind of safer gender information, after that we could all develop and find out togetherâand do have more enjoyable gender!
Picture by istock
We have already discussed
different buffer techniques
that lesbian, queer and bisexual women can use when making love with each other. And indeed, condoms are included in those choices. You can use condoms as a barrier when having a penis in pussy or whenever having
anal sex
, when you are using a dildo or dildo, and you may additionally reduce a condom on the heart (with scissors) if you need a dental dam for analingus or dental intercourse. Whenever we tell women who sleep with other women that they don’t
want
condoms to apply better sex, we have been perpetuating this misconception that our sex is actually intrinsically protected from any STIs becoming discussed.
Plenty of my lesbian, queer and bisexual pals often laugh how they don’t really practice safer gender. I listen to queer ladies make jokes about dental dams as well as how they have never once used them. This tends to make me personally ask yourself exactly who in our community carry out really practice much safer gender? Of course, if we have beenn’t making use of buffer strategies, tend to be we subsequently having in-depth conversations about all of our intimate health before we f*ck? Are we constantly prioritizing acquiring examined between all of our partners? And not soleley a pap smear (
because that does not protect every thing
), but like getting a full work-up?
I don’t say some of this to-be judgmental, at all. I’ve been that girl to have a good laugh about dental care dams. I additionally had one night stands in which I didn’t focus on me or my personal lover’s sexual wellness. But i would like united states accomplish much better. I would like you to have real, nuanced conversations about our intimate health. As it does matter, ladies. And I need past chuckling about dental dams and shrugging off condoms as an option.
Typically in this dialogue, I get asked
really, can you imagine I would like to utilize a dental care dam but she does not think’s sexy?
This worry is indeed prevalent that I believe like a lot of lesbian, queer and bisexual women are even scared to inquire of their partners to practice safer intercourse. But let me make it clear a queer woman secret, obtaining dental gender through a dental dam is beautiful and seems amazing. Actually, anyone it surely changes situations for will be the person providing the oral. It is a little bit various of a personal experience, but one which you could get used to! It is hot when it comes to individual obtaining because 1. you are both prioritizing both’s sexual wellness, that’s hot AF and 2. within my sincere view, it nevertheless seems pleasurable as f*ck.
I also understand how hard it could be to take within the talk of STIs if your wanting to have sex, especially if you’ve never had sex with this specific individual prior to. A factor i have learned inside my numerous years of messily navigating gender and relationships would be that when I talk with somebody in regards to the sort of sex we both wish to have and regarding what particular obstacles we need to useâWe have wayyyy better sex. Like I’m not stating this simply because I’m a sex nerd. I’m telling you my honest queer lady reality. Sex is most effective whenever you discuss need along with your bodies initial.
Why don’t we break it straight down.
You and this potential hookup have no idea one another’s figures yet. Every single person provides their desires and clicks and techniques, that change all of them the f*ck on. And while you can perform a guessing video game while you are having sexual intercourse to figure out just what ~feels very good~ for this new person, you could rather, explore it beforehand. Isn’t it fun to f*ck someone how they wish to be f*cked? Then you know the go-to spot on their behalf, the place you wish build up to and how to encourage them to be putty in your hand.
Pic by istock
In terms of making reference to just what obstacles and/or toys you intend to utilize if you are having sexâa large amount of men and women believe it’s extremely maybe not sexy and takes all of the enjoyable from the jawhorse. But envision if you are sex however the entire time you are anxious since you really desired to utilize a dental dam but don’t learn how to inform her that and so now you are unable to have an orgasm as you’re therefore in your mind about perhaps not speaking right up for your needs? Which is no enjoyable proper, believe me. Once you get that discussion taken care of before starting having sexual intercourse, then you already know to go for the condom when you use your strap-on or whether she’s cool with fluid connection or perhaps not. They are vital components of intercourse so we should never dismiss all of them.
I have research for many of you scanning this right now. The next time you are having a hookup with some one, make an effort to integrate a few of these talks before you decide to hit the bedsheets to check out precisely what the answers are. We bet you that you’re going to possess some mind-blowing consensual less dangerous intercourse!
Had gotten any intercourse concerns? Please touch base: Corinne@gomag.com!
